Body Image

Okay, time for some transparency. I've wrestled with this topic my whole life.

As women, we are constantly surrounded by the need to be 'better'. Whether it's to have clearer skin, be more thin in appearance, more proportional, or to have anything better than what we already possess, society's definition of beauty has become so skewed and yet, we still choose to believe it and let it rule our happiness.

Looking back on my time growing up, I cannot seem to pinpoint a moment in time where I could say, Oh that is where this insecurity began... and the fact that I can't recall it, is so saddening for me -- I've been drowning in a sea of insecurities and running a race against comparison for so long, I can't even remember how it originated.

In junior high and high school, I was immersed in the life of wanting perfection -- having the desire to gain everything I could ever need in this life: to be recognized with everything I did. I valued so much of what people thought of me and I slowly allowed it to control me. I forgot what I knew of myself and how God saw me...

That I am worthy, beautiful, and successful with the gifts God has given me.

And I wish I had the opportunity to go back in time; to look at myself directly in the eyes, and speak those affirming words, but I can't...and that shows just how powerful it is to learn and live those truths out in the present while encouraging others who may be going through the same thing.

"That Could Never Fit Me"

I was very involved in theatre in high school, and I believe that my involvement in it really brought me out of my shell and allowed me to feel free to truly be myself. I felt comfortable being my obnoxious, weird self out on the stage (I would sometimes shock my teachers the next day after our opening nights of how loud I could be!) I believe my theatre experiences really shaped who I am today, and I am so incredibly thankful for it.

But, there were times when hard realities would hit me and start to stir up lies I would begin to frequently believe about myself and my image.

In my high school's theater backstage, we had a costume room that basically served as a time capsule of all of the shows our school performed in the past. There were so many times I would find myself trying to look for a costume, only to become defeated when I would find something perfect, realizing it wasn't my size. That could never fit me.

As I sat there in the dressing room, I would watch my friends show off what I wanted to wear, believing the lie that my body was ugly and unattractive. And after each performance, I would knit-pick myself in pictures; this would become such an unhealthy habit for me after every show. I only focused on my 'bad features', not realizing that everyone had their own insecurities and that it wasn't just me.

Years have passed since then and I'm happy to say that I am in a different and more mentally healthy place right now. Not to say I don't have moments of insecurity anymore... let me tell you, I DO. But I try to not let that define me. I feel like comparison will always be something I'll battle with daily, but choosing to not let it affect me, now that's a different story.

So let me end this by saying what I know someone needs to read right now and bear with me if this is very cheesy :)

Never loose sight of how unique and inspiring you are to others!

Hold on to what is true: that you are made in the image of God, the creator of the whole universe. The One who designed the stars and told the waves to dance calls you important, worthy, loved, and beautiful.