Something I've been reminded of recently is that life isn't about "figuring things out" - God knows our life plan, He is the one who has everything figured out.
It's been a weakness of mine to say these truths but yet, still run towards what I see and try to fix or reshape things in my life that I've deemed as unworthy. To be honest, it's exhausting. I run after things I know won't give me satisfaction, peace, or comfort on a daily basis. But there is comfort in knowing that the mess I'm going through now is a part of His plan for me.
The last few months have been a whirlwind. Jumping off the climax of graduating college and finally earning my degree was exhilarating, but somehow I felt like I forgot a key component of the flight - the parachute.
Landing into the real world hit me hard. I've been surprised to learn attributes about myself that I've never known, how I handle different stressful situations, and suddenly being immersed in a routine governed by the world. And I've sometimes found myself loosening my consistent grip on the cherished quiet mornings when my nose was stuck in my Bible, journaling, and the deep breaths that would start my day off on the right foot. Although I still try to follow the routine, it's gotten harder to focus when my mind is worrying about if I'll be late to my morning meeting.
Although this season has been discouraging, it's been growing - I'm reminded just how desperately I need God to guide my steps everyday.
One of my favorite worship songs is Touch of Heaven by Hillsong Worship. A few of the lyrics of the song have particularly stuck with me the last few months:
How I live for the moments Where I'm still in Your presence All the noise dies down Lord speak to me now
You have all my attention I will linger and listen I can't miss a thing
Lord I know my heart wants more of You My heart wants something new So I surrender all
All I want is to live within Your love Be undone by who You are My desire is to know You deeper Lord I will open up again Throw my fears into the wind I am desperate for a touch of heaven
God wants us to be still and listen to what He has for us - to know Him deeper. Sometimes I wonder what it's like for God to watch us go about our days trying to fix situations or cut corners... He is a gracious God when He understands why we decide to take short cuts through life, yet He loves us and blesses us undeservingly.
Being a Christian in a world that preaches itself can be incredibly discouraging. But every day we are called to be Christ's ambassadors.
I think of Paul the Apostle in the Bible, who once persecuted and killed those He would then have everything in common with - God used Him to speak light into darkness; to show the truth to those around him. Even if they rejected him and the words of the Lord, he kept demonstrating the urgency of the gospel. I hope that this is an encouragement for you, wherever you are at in life!
"For Christ’s love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, and therefore all died. And he died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again. So from now on we regard no one from a worldly point of view. Though we once regarded Christ in this way, we do so no longer. Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come. The old has gone, the new is here! All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting people’s sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation. We are therefore Christ’s ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. We implore you on Christ’s behalf: Be reconciled to God. God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God." - 2 Corinthians 5:14-21