What the pandemic has taught me.

It's hard to believe that four months have gone by. I vividly remember hearing the email notification, soon to inform me that life was about to look different. And if I'm being honest, learning how to be okay with change has been easier said than done.

As time has passed, God has shown me His goodness in circumstances where it's been easy to believe that nothing good could ever happen. I've battled with doubt. Doubt that anything would change, look better, or even His ability to reign over and work through such a chaotic time.

Forced to live in isolation, losing the sense of community, and adjusting to school completely being facilitated online was hard. And as I also witnessed injustices coming to the surface, I've been so thankful to have had hard conversations about privilege with my friends while hearing out the voices of those who have lived and tread through those injustices for most of their life. Everything has been so eye-opening and has been motivating for me to do more, learn more.

But with each obstacle our world is facing right now, it's been hard to have an optimistic perspective, and I'm sure a lot of people can say the same. I've learned that it's okay to feel down. It's okay to feel angry. Feeling lost in times like this is not out of the ordinary -- it's normal, it's human.

While the first part of this year has been difficult, so many blessings have come out of this season. I was able to dive deeper into scripture; to learn and fall more in love with Jesus everyday -- being reminded that the grace He freely gives me is so undeserving, and yet He desires to love and care for me in the midst of so much hurt and confusion. God sent His one and only son, a man of pure innocence, completely perfect, to die for me -- sealing the promise of eternal life with Him - that is something so beautifully unfathomable for me to understand!

Each day I'm becoming comfortable with the process and resting in His timing -- reassured that God uses it to heal, to teach, to grow.

I've learned to cherish the time I have with those around me, knowing that there may be a day I won't see them again. This season has also demonstrated to me that there is more to life than my phone and social media. And I've been reminded of the significance of a hug or even passing by someone in the hallway at school.

God has also used this pandemic to refine me and teach me that I will never truly and fully know what will happen next. I've been humbled as I've been reminded that none of the days I live are guaranteed, and yet I wake up, take in my first breath, and the first thing I think about is what I have to do, where I have to go, what I have to think about. Going through the motions has been a slippery slope and I'm thankful that in those moments I feel the conviction in my heart to trust in God's plan over my own.

A few weeks ago, I was able to travel up north and take in the beauty and vastness of God's creation. One of my pit stops was climbing up a cliff hundreds of feet from the water's shore. The thickest of fog quickly enveloped around the peak's rock and weaved its way between the trees. I couldn't see a thing.

I desperately tried to see through the fog and began to complain in my mind: I took the time to travel up here for nothing. I was disappointed. But ironically, the image of nothing before me soon left me in awe. I sat there and began to trust that what was surrounding me was beautiful and completely formed and designed by God.

So many times during quarantine and even now, I've been quick to think that where I'm at and where the world is right now is not serving any further purpose. And while the present can be disheartening at times, God's promises, knowledge, and His gospel still stands true.

One passage of scripture I've been consistently referring to has been Psalms 139. Verses 1-6 say:

"You have searched me, Lord,

and you know me.

You know when I sit and when I rise;

you perceive my thoughts from afar.

You discern my going out and my lying down;

you are familiar with all my ways.

Before a word is on my tongue

you, Lord, know it completely.

You hem me in behind and before,

and you lay your hand upon me.

Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,

too lofty for me to attain."

How amazing and comforting it is to know that God knows everything about us and knows everything that will happen! The biggest blessing the pandemic has given me is the opportunity to slow down and wholeheartedly revel in the Lord and trust in His plan.